Melody of Mudd

Yeah…

 So, I’m pretty sure noone actually reads these essays/rants I post by now, but if you’re part of the silent minority that do, welcome to the ‘Chris furious at a person in his life who everyone is telling him to ignore but he can’t because she used to tell him she cared about him and has now thrown that in his face’ rant. But since CFAaPiHLWEiTHtIBhCBSUtTHSCAHaHNTTiHF isn’t the easiest acronym to work with I’m gonna call this the ”Fuck you Anna Blackheart, and your disingenuous yet spinless actions” rant, which I feel is blunter and at this point I’m about as wrathful as I can get without losing it, and I don’t talk much when that happens, or at all. 

 So yeah, story time.

 Well, me and Anna go back about 3/4 years now, having met through her trying to intimidate me because of an argument I had been in with one of her friends at the time. Dunno whether it was the fact I actually made a decent argument, or whether she liked having someone who didn’t back down as much as she did, but we ended up chatting a few weeks later, and by two months after meeting we’d become something like proper friends, though her inability to ever change her stance on anything and a constant superiority ‘thing’ stopped me from liking her all that much, at least at first. 

Still, despite how she acted towards me, I was, as far as I could gather, the one person who would put up with her crap the most, and the only one who consistently defended her from other people, no matter who that might be and how it might affect me. Because of that, we came to view each other as very close friends, though what i got out of that deal apart from a pretty consistent weight on my ability to chat with my other friends I really can’t put my finger on right now. 

 So yeah, that continued for a while, and even if other people didn’t quite come to like her they came to accept her, mostly through knowing that I wouldn’t stand for any other reaction. 

 And then I came to university.

 I’ll say right off the bat, I love it at university. The people, living away from family and having that freedom, everything. But when I’m up home I still try and keep contact with as many of my friends up there as I can. Of course I can’t see everyone everytime. That would be silly, I don’t visit often and when I do it’s not for that long. Obvious, I would have thought.

 Yeah…

 I guess most of you can see what happened next.

 So, after committing the heinous crime of not seeing her on one of my visits up north she stopped talking to me. And I mean stopped, suddenly, without warning or, I feel, giving me a chance to explain myself. And at that I left it. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but the way she acted pissed me off, and I was sick of patching things up by myself, so I left it. And that’s where it should really have ended. I know that, my family knows that, my friends are just a little too happy to keep telling me that. But no, I’m me, so i keep hoping I can patch things up. Until recently.

 Anyone who knows me and hasn’t heard, I was in a head on car crash a week ago from which I walked away essentially unscathed. Now, despite the laundry list of mental issues I have, this accident didn’t affect me all that much and I’ve mostly put it behind me now. But just today, I got a letter from her. I was genuinely a little perked up by it thinking that maybe something good would come from it and, even if I didn’t expect an apology, I hoped we could try again.

 Oh my of my how wrong I was.

 In my entire life I’ve really lost my temper, i mean really, about twice, and both times led to serious damage to someone and/or something. In this case I didn’t, but I came about 5 seconds from crushing at least one piece of technology that was rather close to hand at the time (Sorry btw, monitor). From the word go all she was focused on was the accident. Not worried if I was ok, not making sure I was coping with the trauma, mental/physical/emotional whatever, oh no. I got scolded, I shit you not, for ”not having been careful enough” and not ”telling her straight away”. The rest of it read the same, and I actually had to stop and go back to it after a brief break about half way through, sheerly through complete disgust at how she’d written it.

 So yeah, lesson to anyone who read that, if you genuinely want to make up a friendship with a domineering, sociopath with minimal social graces and a penchant for ignorant comments, you’re wrong. I still don’t really know how to respond to this letter. 

 I could genuinely use some advice about this, guys and gals. 

• 29 April 2012